Yet another mistake
by Dawn-0f-Fire
Summary: The insanely sarcastic and dramatic Dawn and Sirius adventure. It's sure to make all Drama Queen hearts go 'poof'. Mild swearing. Actually, lots of swearing, but not enough to make you sick. Mature themes too.
1. Oh my God

All characters not mine, except for Dawn. I didn't know what else to name her... please review!

* * *

'Oh God, oh God, oh God.' I stared down at the floor, at my clothes, at his clothes, at his sleeping figure, at the drapes. I couldn't remember exactly what had happened, but I knew waking up in the guy's dorm wasn't a good sign. I had to do something. Anything. 

'Think, think, think. Oh God, oh God, oh God.' I couldn't get my mind straight. I was aready feeling last night's drinks coming back up, attempting an escape through my oesophagus.

'Oh God. Drinks…'

I felt something moving slowy up my leg and my heart skipped. I muffled out a surprised cry. He must've noticed me twitching because his eyes blinked open and he fell off the mattress and onto the floor.

-What the fuck? » he shouted.

-Congrats, Padfoot. » came the reply from the other side of the room. James Potter was sitting up in his bed, staring through his glasses with an immense grin on his face, most likely due to the fact that he was trying to hide his embarrassement.

-You nailed 'er, you great prat. » he answered, as if reading our thoughts.

-Shit. » Sirius exclaimed, throwing on his clothes. Peter had already run out the door, James walked out calmly, throwing one last glance above his shoulder. Half the school probably knew it by now. I'd slept with Sirius Black.

It took a while for the fact to sink in, and even longer for me to get over it. When I actually gathered my thoughts, I managed to make a sound.

-er-» That's when it hit me. He was the one who'd gotten drunk first, led me here…what if he'd raped me? Oh Good, oh God, oh God. When in doubt, blame everyone else.

-What the fuck did you do to me? » I yelled accusingly. He backed off, taken by surprise. Yeah, betcha he hadn't seen that one coming.

-You expect me to know? » he replied defensively. He knew where this was going, and he was already losing this argument.

-Well, yes! What happened to the 'I'm responsible now' thing? »

-I was drunk… can't we forget about this? »

-Hell no, you're not walking out of this one alive, Black. » He tugged at his hair. That sort of move he did when he was getting irritated.

-Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time? » I blinked. 'Me? A _bitch_ ?'

-Excuse me? »

-The second you wake up you automatically jump at our necks-»

-Shut up! »

Ouch. That one sunk in deep. Did he know who I really was? I convinced myself it was only a coincidence that he was reffering to vampires to… describe my mood.

-This is getting us nowhere, Black. » I stated, hoping he'd give up the argument.

-You're right. » I love it when I'm right.

-Let's forget about this, shall we? » Sirius continued, fnally easing down. I'd spilled out my anger, I was fne for the rest of the day.

-Give me my clothes. » I pointed to the ground, blanket pulled firmly around my naked body. Thank God he didn't remember what he'd seen.

He picked up my shirt and waved it around in the air, smirking.

-Come get 'em. »

-Fuck you. »

-Fine, then. Stay where you are. » And he backed up even further. If I wanted to see that shirt again, I'd have to get up. Shit.

-Give me my shirt, Black! »

-Come get it, Dawn! » he mocked in the same tone. Did I really sound like that? My mind wandered about for a minute, until I remembered Sirius and shook back to reality. I growled and sighed heavily, finally accepting defeat.

-Fine. » Hoisting myself up from the bed took great effort, rather, I made it look like it did. I managed to get a firm stance, halfway between the furniture and Sirius, and reached for the shirt. I tugged and tugged, but that bloody prat wouldn't let go. He pulled me closer, and closer, and closer…

-Black, I thought we'd forgotten about it! » I whined, eager to get dressed. It was bloody freezing.

-About what? »

-… » Uncomfortable silence.

Sirius was a female magnet. God I hated to say it, but even I was attracted to him. Just the way he talked made you want to get lost in his bed- I mean, arms. He had that firm, slender body that looked good in any clothes, and without clothes. His eyes were like an endless summer sky when there isn't a cloud in sight. You could sit there and stare at them, and imagine yourself in a world where only you and him existed…

-You done staring at me? I thought we'd forgotten about it. »

-Yeah… yeah, we've forgotten it. All of it… »

-Get dressed, or we'll be late for Divination. »

-Great, more stairs to climb. » Sirius smiled and walked out, leaving me alone in the guy's dorm room. Wrapped in a reddish- brown blanket.

-I can't go on, carry me, Sirius. I'm, going to die if I have to take one more step up. » I let myslef fall backward, knowing he wouldn't just let me tumble down the stairs. Divination was Hell to get to. 546 steps up the tower. Gets boring after six years, you know?

-Aw, come on, » he pushed me back up. « Only a few more steps to go. »

-Argh. »

James and Peter had long crossed the door frame leading to the stuffy air of divination class, and we, meaning me and Sirius, were struggling up to pass it before the bell rang. No luck. The ring resounded in my head for a few more seconds before the door was slammed shut and the corridors fell silent.

A few knocks later, the professor poked his head out of the classroom.

-You're late. »

-I know… » I stared guiltily at the floor.

-You're never late. »

-I know… »

-You've officially lost your title for perfect attendance. »

-I know… »

-I don't want to see either of you before tomorrow. It should serve as a lesson. » There was no replying to that. I turned my back to the door and headed down the stairs, followed closely by the heavy footsteps of Sirius Black.

-Congrats, you've done it again. »

-Done what? »

-You screwed up my life for the second time today. »

-Hey, don't blame it on me, you're the one who didn't want to go up the steps. »

-You're the one who wouldn't give me back my shirt. Fuck you. »

-Been there, done that. » He replied casualy.

-Just…shut up. »

-Sure… »

-What do we do now? »

-You're asking me? »

-yeah, I'm asking you. »

-…Dunno. »


	2. one path, plenty of grass

chapter 2.

* * *

Our feet led us to the Fat Lady's portrait, the entrance to the Gryffindor Tower.

-Wow. »

-What? » I asked without turning around. He was probably going to say something really usueless and boring.

-We've killed eight minutes and thity three seconds. » I told you so.

-I have to go to the Hospital Wing. »

-Why go there? »

-Gotta pick up something. »

-Okay, just let me drop off my bag. »

-Hold on, who said _you_ were coming? »

-You're not going to stop me. Besides, I've got nothing better to do. »

-Do what you want. » I shrugged. As long as he didn't ask questions I was ok.

-So what do you need over there? » He motioned to the door at the end of the hallway.

-None of your business, Black. » He opened his mouth to reply, but shut it after he saw the look on my face. Squinting always made me have the last word. Pomfrey had the door wide open, waiting at the entrance.

-You're a few hours late, Dawn. »

-I know, sorry. »

-What are you doing here, Black? You should be in-»

-He got kicked out. So did I. » Pomfrey's eyes widened. « Long story. » I explained and quickly grabbed the flask she was taking out of her pocket. God, I could smell it from up here.

I had just un-capped the potion when Dumbledore stormed down the hall. His face was expressionless, but he was walking quite fast, as if nervous, or anxious.

-Dawn, I need to have a word with you. »

-Sure, just a minute. »

-It's urgent. In a way. » I tilted my head to the side and realised I hadn't tied my hair this morning. Unusual.

-What about Black? » I said. « he's got nothing else to do. »

-He may follow, if he wishes. » Trust me, he wished. They say curiosity killed the cat. He was the cat.

After taking a seat in the Headmaster's office, I began to feel there was something quite scary about the tense atmosphere. Professor Dumbledore got straight to the point, as if he was afraid I might not absorb the importance of what he was about to say if he delayed it any longer.

-You are aware of Lord Voldemort's general plan, I imagine? » I nodded. Who wasn't?

-And are you also aware of whom he targets? »

-What does that-»

-It means he recruits people, and creatures that might have some relation to you. »

-You're telling me he's building an army of evil that must be stopped at all costs. »

-Precisely. You are at a great risk, Dawn, and I feel there's something we must do about that. »

-Are the students of this school in danger? »

-In a way… if matters got out of hand, yes. » He'd kick me out, better yet, lock me into one of Gringott's safes.

-What were you planning for me? »

-Nothing for the moment, but if anything changes, if, let's say, summer leaves you shelterless… »

-I know where she can stay. » Sirius cut in, earning himself two surprised looks. I'd forgotten about him… «My uncle left me a muggle house in northern London. That's where I stayed last summer... I don't think Voldemort knows about it. » Dumbledore took a few seconds to consider the pros and cons, and finally accepted to leave my life in Sirius' hands. Great.

-Sounds like a plan. »He said.« Have a good day. » He nodded his head and showed us to the door.

It was a good few minutes before anyone of us said anything. We were heading back to the common room to fetch our bags. I was the first one to talk.

-Sirius, what were you _thinking_? What if I don't _want_ to go live with you, what if Voldemort finds us, what if he _kills_ you?» He merely shrugged in response. There was nothing else to say. «Why do you do this for me? Why do you risk your life for my safety?» This time I expected he'd react, somehow. Anything to convince me he wasn't out of his mind. I grabbed his sleeve to keep him from walking off like he had done this morning. « That's what friends do. » He shrugged again, not sure he was saying the right thing.

-That's not all, is it. » I whispered.

I hated the fact that, without wanting to, I'd fallen for him. I remember two years ago I swore I'd never like that guy, that I'd never be like the other fangirls flocking around him night and day (God, they were pathetic). We were assigned seats in potions class, and I just _happened_ to land beside him. He wasn't really as bad as I'd thought when I'd heard him gloating for the first time while wandering about Diagon Alley before our first year. I thought at first that the fact that he was nice to me was all an act, but it seemed to become more and more natural, and so we became friends, in a classmate sort of way, and I ended up in his bed after an evening of drinking games. I was so stupid to fall for it. I was so stupid for not having managed to stick the quill inside the empty ink bottle Potter was holding out. It looked easy, heck it looked really dumb, but when I dropped the quill before even concentrating on the bottle, I knew I was in for a rough time.

-Sorry, what was that? » I snapped back to reality, feeling Sirius' breath on my neck. I knew he'd said something, but I wasn't exactly listening.

-You're _so_ not romantic. »

-You're _so_ not supposed to be wanting to kiss me. »

-Why not? I'm a guy! » Oh, that ridiculous excuse about guys' minds being controled by… inferior body parts.

-Oh, and I suppose what happened last night was because of the same thing? » I retorted, feeling anger starting to bubble inside me.

-No, we were both piss drunk ,and you know it. » He stated.

-So you're telling me there was nothing 'special' about it? »

-Why, » he slammed my body against the wall. I'd forgotten he was so close. « because you felt something 'special' last night? »

-Get off me! » I shouted.

-Answer me first » I hesitated. Come to think of it, there was nothing much else I felt other than the beginnings of a hangover.

-No. »

-Good. » he said, eyes narrowing. « I didn't want your feelings to get hurt. »

-What? »

-There was nothing special about last night. Nothing. » Uncomfortable silence.

-Let go, Black. »

-Sure, whatever. » He walked off. Again. This time for the better, maybe. Then again, maybe not. I didn't want him to leave, I knew he was lying, and I knew I'd lied as well.

-Come back, Sirius. » He wasn't turning around. I had to say something. Anything. « Don't turn your back on me, you… you're disgrace to the wizarding world! » That hit the spot. He spun around and charged, swinging his right arm forward. It took less than a second to realise I was on the floor, bleeding almost to death, yet it seemed an enternity or two had passed before I understood what a stupid thing I'd said.


	3. the potion

The sound of the bell resounded throughout the hallways, but neither of us made any attempt to move, let alone say anything. The bastard just stood there, his fist still clenched, glaring at me, either in extreme confusion or utter hatred. I think we were both surprised at what we'd done and said, although we weren't close to admitting it.

I was clutching my nose, feeling the warm blood flow down my arm and drip to the floor in a constant, rythmic pattern. I was starting to feel cold, as if I were being stripped of my clothes in the dead of winter, and I couldn't seem to focus on anything real. Bright pixels invaded my sight ever so slowly and I remembered the feeling that came over me the morning after I'd gotten drunk, that same morning I'd awoken in a bed that was not mine. My head felt considerably heavier than usual. So heavy, in fact, that I couldn't seem to keep it up, as if the muscles in my neck had never supported the rest of me before ; it was like learning to think all over again.

I must've passed out because when my eyelids finally had the will and power to lift open, all lights had been blown out and I found myself, once again, on a bed other than my own. It took only a moment, though, to realise I'd been transported to the Hospital Wing. I'd begun to memorise the atmosphere, the feel of the place, having been here many times before. Something had been moved, however, and I couldn't quite place it. That was until I saw the crooked smile on a certain boy's face in the corner of my eye.

-What the fuck are _you_ doing here?» He wiped the smile off his face.

-I suppose I just couldn't just leave you here on your own.» he replied in the same annoyed sort of tone, turning away from where I was lying. I could tell he was torn between staying mad and being the usual happy guy he was. I'd really hurt him. Psychologically, I mean.

Oh, Brother. There was no hurting this man physically. If you wanted to win a challenge, you had to know how to talk evil. He was as hard as a boulder. A fucking sexy boulder. I loved the way his slender body twitched with excitement and how his arms curled around me protectively when the occasion called for it...What am I _thinking_? I'm supposed to hate this guy

-…You alright?» he asked, worry printed on his face. I must say I wasn't of any comfort : I'd started hitting my forehead with my pillow. See? This is what a guy does to you! It's bad for _anyone's _health.

-Um, yeah. Fine. Why?» he yawned. Ah. It seemed he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in the past few hours. «What time is it?»

-2 in the morning, on the spot.» I hadn't noticed the bell of the clocktower was ringing.

-Sirius?»

Yeah?»

-When I said… well…I'm…er…sorry…I- I didn't mean it.»

-I know.»

-But… Why did it affect you so much?»

-Stop asking questions. You need to sleep.»

-But I _want_ to know.» Who's the cat now?

-But you don't _need_ to know. Go to sleep.»

My eyes burned from lack of good sleep, but I didn't think closing my eyes might improve things. I needed to have clear thoughts to sleep well, and I'd been burdened enough in an entire day to suffer from heavy insomnia for the rest of my days…well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit... I needed drugs.

-Sirius, do you do you drugs?»

-What?»

-Didn't think so.» Then again, everything seemed possible. These last few days had proven it.

-Why ask me a question like that?» I shrugged. Sirius always seemed to have varying moodswings : he'd go from pathetically happy to fuming faster than you could say PMS which, by the way, stood for _permanent _mood swings, as everyone knew it so well. I'd figured drugs was the only reason, yet, I'd known him for quite a while, and trust me, drugs wasn't part of the story. Come to think of it, I didn't know the real story. Sirius always seemed to manage to change the subject so subtely. He was good.

-You can sleep if you want to. I'm fine now.» I told him. I thought what I said was clear, but Sirius didn't seem to have heard.

-Sirius?» No answer. « Damn it, Black, say something!» Still no answer. «You know, Black, if you want to ignore me, go ahead! At _least_ show some sign of life.» God, was he even breathing?

I jumped out of the bed to shake some sense into him. I flopped the blankets to the side and stepped on the floor. The wet floor. The smell of blood filled the air, my eyes widened, my heart raced. What was going on? The sound of something dripping caught my attention. There was a stain over his heart, it was soaking its way down the white shirt, the school uniform. Shit. I shivered, out of excitement and pure horror at the same time, taking a cautious step forward. My fingers reached out for the freshly killed carcass. Had I been the one to hurt him?

-Dawn…» he called out. So he wasn't dead. He called my name again, louder this time. And again, and again.

My eyes flickered open. I was, once again, in the Hospital Wing, this time in broad daylight. The partially blinding rays were golden and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The place seemed happy.

-Dawn, you're finally awake.» Pomfrey stood over me, a chunk of chocolate in her palm big enough to feed an entire throng of trolls.

-Looked like you were having somekind of fit. What was it you dreamed, dear?» I sighed.

-The usual. Blood. Death. Gore.» Riveting, I know. A wave of dizzyness caught me again, and I felt nauseated. I hadn't taken yesterday's potion. Where had I left it? It wasn't in my pocket. I hopped out of bed and ran for the door. I had a hunch, and that hunch was most likely in the common room. Pomfrey made no attempt to keep me in bed ; I was way too fast for the poor lady.

-So there is a spell to figure out what this is…»

-Yeah, but it'll take some time. I have to practice first.» Black and Lupin were having a conversation…about my potion. I walked up to him.

-Why is it, Black, that you _always_ have to stick your ruddy nose in other people's business? In _my_ business!» It took some time for Sirius to pick himself up and think of a sorry excuse.

-… » Convincing, isn't it. « I… was curious… And I didn't want you to be taking drugs.»

-Pomfrey giving me drugs...wow...I'm impressed.»

-…Why are you keeping secrets from me?» WHY?

-Because it's something you don't _need_ to know!»

-You don't trust me.»

-Not a bit. Give me my potion.»

-If you trusted me, would you tell me?»

-Even the best of friends hold secrets from each other. Trust me, it's for your own good.»

-Wait, why should I trust _you_, if you don't trust me?» Shit. I was falling into his trap and he knew it.

-How do you know it's for my own good?» he continued as he sat down in the nearest chair, proud of his achievement. «Either you tell us straight up, or we keep you little vial for examination.»

For lack of a better comeback:

-Fuck you.»

Lunch had just ended and students came fluttering in, bellies satisfied, ready for their afternoon classes.

-_Oh my God_, Dawn! Did you really sleep with…ooh...» She'd spotted the man on the couch. Why is it more than half the girls in Hogwarts can't say more to him than a timid «…hi…»?

-Sirius, what do you suggest?»

-Meet me in my dorm. I trust you're familiar with it by now.» I shot him a killer look. He got up from the worn leather couch and walked up the stairs. I had a bad feeling about this. I'd sworn to myself that yesterday was the one and only time I'd find myself up there.


	4. blood

-Sirius, I think this conversation is over. There's nothing more to say.» I walked in timidly, as if I'd never seen this place before.

-What makes you say that?» He was lying comfortably on his bed, confident. A kind of confidence that made me doubt my security. I swallowed hard, feeling butterflies tickling my insides. I'd started trembling.

-I think,» he said, lifting himself off the mattress and walking toward me «…you just wish there was nothing else to say. But there is.»

-There is…» I repeated. I wasn't thinking anymore, my body-_nothing_ was responding. I felt my knees drop to the floor.

-Stop shaking.» he ordered, wrapping his arms around me.

-I- I can't…»

-It's the potion isn't it…» He said after a few moments. «You have to stop. You can't rely on it forever. »

-It keeps me from going insane, from falling apart, Sirius. I can't just let go.»

-You're just addicted.»

I backed off and found myself against the wall. I hated the fact that he seemed to always be guessing right, and I hated the fact that I didn't want it that way. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself. But how could he?

-Let me help you. I swear I'll do anything within my power.»

My heart was racing furiously, running a five mile race, trying to escape those blue eyes of his. I hated that intense stare that made you want to trust anything he said, but he was just a liar. He sat down beside me, his back also resting on the wall, staring into space.

-You can't always run away, Dawn. Face it; it's time you got help.»

-I- I don't want help.»

-You know you need it.»

-…Give me my potion.»

-No.»

-I need it…_now_.»

-No, you're just hurting youself even more.»

-Since when do you care whether I'm hurt or not?» I turned to face him, tears filling up my eyes. I couldn't shake them away. Not anymore.

-You've never gave me a chance to care before.»

-I'm not letting you care, _ever_. Stop trying to fix everything that's wrong with me ; you'll just end up making it worse!» I headed for the door without looking back. I hoped he wouldn't follow me. Who knows what would happen if I let myself go? My dreams would most likely become reality. I shivered : I could almost taste the blood in the air. His blood.

-What are_ you _still doing here?» There was a man sitting on the windowsill. The same man from my dream. Sirius Black. His face was covered in crimson crusts from dried blood, but his vivid eyes hadn't yet lost their spark. There was a trail of red leading down his throat and, once again, his shirt had been drenched by the bodily fluid.

-You're the one who followed me, idiot. I was sitting here before you came.» Good point. « You're always following me. You won't leave me alone. Not even in my dreams.» There was utter hatred in his tone of voice as he spoke, as well as a touch of exhaustion. He'd been running from me, in more ways than one.

He turned to face the window to watch the sunset. The grounds were bathed in a color similar to Sirius's shirt and the tree of the forbidden forest ressembled an army of cloaked figures leaning forward, reaching out for our souls.

-Go away.»

-Sirius,» I asked« What's going on?» Turning to face me, he laughed heartlessy and threw a knife on the floor. I threw him a questionning glance. He laughed again.

-As if it wasn't obvious enough.» He showed me his wrists, and the dark, thick liquid gushing out slowly from a few deep wounds. «And you know what?» he smiled, knowing I didn't know what, and even if I did, I couldn't have mustered up the courage to answer. «It's all your fault.»

The fact shocked me at first. I knew it was true ; it would end this way one day. I'd accidentally let the creature inside me burst out and I'd have to live with the consequences. Part of me wished I could just jump at his neck and forget all about having to 'be good', but the other kept resisting. There was no support left, yet that part of me held on to a dream, a nice dream, the one where a prince rode up to me on his white horse and took me away to a happily ever after ending. I clung on to the pages of the boring fairytale in a useless children's book. There'd never be a prince, much less a valliant steed, and there was no use even _thinking_ about a happy ending. If there was nothing left, however, why was I still here, like this? Maybe there was something to hang on to. Maybe there was a hint of hope somewhere, and maybe Black was trying to show me the truth I'd been denying.

-You're wrong.» I finally answered.

-Oh, I don't think so.» A crease had formed between his brows and he managed to get up and walk toward me as if the blood spattering on the floor wasn't his. He grabbed me by the neck.

-I know I'm right. I've finally found what it is you've always hid from me.» I stood my ground. He wouldn't make me lose or give up again.

-This isn't the end, Dawn. You can't escape.. You'll always spread hatred and death wherever you go.» He turned and vanished into thin air.

-Liar!» I yelled out. I knew he could hear me.

Something tickled my shoulder. My eyes blinked open. I'd had another dream. It was the dead of night, and the common room was dimly lit by the dying fire. I was sprawled across the long couch and the blanket that I guessed had been covering me had just fallen onto the floor.

-Dawn, shut up!»

-What?»

-I'm trying to sleep!»

-Potter?»

-Who else?»

-…Where's Black?»

-You don't expect him to watch over you 24/7, do you?»

-well… he's… done quite a good job these past few days…» I scratched my head. Ick. I needed to take a shower.

-You really don't remember what happened the other night, do you?» James grinned, comfortably resting on the rug placed in front of the fire.

-… I _do_ remember one thing. The … quill in the empty ink bottle game. Then… blank.»

-Figures.»

-Huh? What happened after that?»

-Honestly?»

-Honestly.»

-Nothing at all.»

-What?»

-Padfoot told me.»

-WHAT? _He_ remembers!»

-yeah, you don't think that he'd-Ey, Where're you going?»

That bastard told me he'd gotten as drunk as me! Why didn't he tell me he knew what'd happened that night? I sprinted up the stairs to the boys dorm and stormed in the 'Marauders' Quarters' and tore off the covers to Sirius's bed. He raised his head and opened his eyes. Surprise!

-You son of a troll.»

-Oy! Watch your language. What're you doing here anyway?» James stopped at the foot of the bed with an expression that explained : 'Couldn't stop her.'

-You told me you were drunk that night.»

-I was. What's wrong?»

-You didn't remember any of it!»

-Well, uh…» by the look on his face, I knew his mind was rolling ; he was looking for an excuse. He finally shrugged and picked up the blankets I'd thrown on the floor. «It just popped up in my head at some point during the day.»

-You never told me.»

-So?»

-I thought…God... what- what if I was pregnant?»

-Please, don't traumatize me right now.»

-I can't _believe_ you didn't tell me nothing happened!»

-You never told me who you really were.»

-Oh yeah? What makes you think I'm not really who I told you I was?» I crossed my arms and waited. He couldn't know. It was impossible. How could he know? The thoughts were whirling in my mind ; again I was feeling dizzy. I wouldn't let it show, though. I had to be a good liar. Just like he'd been.

-First off, I never see you eating meat. Not at breakfast, not at lunch, not at supper.»

-So?»

-I _highly_ doubt you're a vegetarian.» Shit. He continued; «I also never see you eat vegetables or anything else for that matter. Never.»

-...So?» My voice had started to crack.

-I _highly_ doubt you're bolemic or anorexic.» Double shit. I didn't know what to say. «I heard- from a very reliable source- that you pass the most part of your time reading muggle story books… while the others are eating.» Exactly how much did he _know? _«I've got more,» he continued«...you also carry on you a certain vial, which, I must admit, has got me wondering…»

I shut my eyes tightly, hoping with all my heart that I'd wake up from another nightmare, though I knew this one was real, and I couldn't escape the truth : he'd guessed I was a vampire. He was most likely thinking of the most painful way to drive a wooden stake through my heart. I could see him now, standing over me, drenched in blood like in my nightmares, a satisfied grin on his laughing face. There'd always been a hint of daring madness in his eyes, but I'd never taken the time to really notice it until now. I cleared my throat and managed to say a few words.

-Wondering what?» I said in a soft voice, somewhat hoping he hadn't heard. I didn't want him to answer, I didn't want him to know, but it was too late.

-I want the recipe to the potion.» Sirius sat with his back against the wall and James raised an eyebrow.

-Why?»

-It's obviously some source of energy that replaces a meal, and I want it so I can miss a meal and set up pranks without risking running into anyone. Quite simple, actually.» Oh my God. «Surprised? You didn't think I'd guess it that fast, no?» Oh-my-_God_.

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	5. chicken?

Wow. He had it all wrong. What's more, he was convinced he'd hit the right spot.

-If you don't tell me, I've still got the potion I stole from you, and I'll know what the ingredients are sooner of later. So what do you say?»

-Alright,» I admitted defeat. «You win.» I could see he was proud. «I'll give you the recipe if you give me that vial back.»

-Deal.» I snatched the potion from his hand and headed for the door.

-Wait,» I turned around. «You haven't…tried this potion yet, have you?»

-No.» I sighed. Good. «Where's my recipe?»

-You're not getting it.»

-You promised!»

-I didn't, actually.» I smiled. «A secret's got to remain a secret. Goodnight.»

The sun shone through the many windows of the Gryffindor tower, illuminating every corner and eliminating the remnants of night. Slowly, the students awoke from their sleep and prepared themselves for another school day.

I put on my uniform and headed down the stairs where I met Sirius. It was quite unusual that he was up this early, and I thought maybe he'd had a bad night's sleep. I grinned. My dreams had never been so calm and peaceful. The day was starting out quite good.

-'Mornin', Black.» I yawned. He grumbled as a reply. Sirius wasn't exactly what people called a morning person, thus why many avoided him between 7 and 10 in the morning. Even the professors had taken a habit of transmitting to Potter what they had to say to Black, for he was the only who could speak to him without receiving a death threat or a punch in the face.

I watched him grab himself a cup of coffee and flush it down in seconds before filling up another. Maybe that was the source of his sudden and unpredictable mood swings.

-What?» he growled, noticing I was staring his way.

-You know,» I walked closer. « coffee is bad for you. (he snorted) I'm serious. It's often the cause for insomnia, nervous twitches, sudden mood swings, attention deficit disorder, lack of focus, lack of-»

-I got it!» He roared, practically throwing his mug on the table. I tried to contain my laughter.

-Black?»

-Yeah, what?» He sighed.

-What do we have first?»

-…Muggle studies.»

-Riveting.»

-Couldn't 've said it better meself.»

-'Mornin' Padfoot, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwn.» James stumbled down the stairs, his shirt on his shoulder, yawning.

-'Mornin' to you too, Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmes.» I mocked.

-Muggle studies first, aye?» he asked, grabbing some coffee.

-Yeah.»

-Riveting.»

-That's what we thought too.»

After having breakfast, we made our way to the 6th floor, where we encountered none other than the slytherin Lucius Malfoy, accompanied by his slimy pet Severus Snape and Bellatrix Black, Sirius' cousin. All three held their wands in their hands, expecting an 'attack' from the Marauders (James and Sirius), since forever their sworn enemies.

-What're _you_ doing here?» Sirius spat, hand in his pocket. James did the same.

-Since when do muggles interest you? I though you wanted them all dead?» He said. The slytherins were the last people you expected to see in front of a muggle studies classroom.

-They say you have to know your enemy. We thought we might have a peek.»

-Go back to your filthy den.»

-Go hide behind your parents, Sirius, although we doubt they'd try to protect you anyway.»

A bolt of light crossed the room and hit Snape square in the chest. He tumbled over, dragging Bellatrix down with him. Another bolt flashed in the other direction and crashed against the wall, instantly covering itin mold.

-Now, now, children,» Lucius stepped forward. «You wouldn't want me to tell Dumbledore you've been abusing of your Head Boy badge, now would you?» He glanced at Lily, who was standing beside the door, a closed expression on her face. «Your mudblood girlfriend wouldn't be too impressed.»

-Go to your next class, Malfoy.» Lily said. «I wouldn't want to take points away from you for being late.» Lame excuse, but Lucius didn't want to be nagged at for having lost the House Cup…again. He grunted and walked away, his disciples following close behind.

Sirius suddenly seemed to remember something and whispered in James's ear. I managed to catch a few words, enough to make me want to follow them and figure out just what they were up to this time.

-… full moon… midnight… grounds… what d'you say?»

-I say, quite a fine idea, Padfoot.»

-What's a fine idea?» I asked as the bell rang. We took our usual placed near the windows- James insisted on having a nice view, yet we all knew it was a view of Lily he wanted.

-Nothing.» They said, turning to the front.

I didn't insist, knowing they'd never tell me, even if I was dying on a bed in the Hospital Wing and that it was my last wish to know. It's not like I was going to die anyway. I'd just have to stay up late and secretly follow them out tonight.

-Um… Dawn, you alright?» Sirius tilted his head to the side and cocked his eyebrow.

-There's nothing to worry about, Black. Why?»

-… you look like you're up to something.»

-Is that…bad?» I couldn't keep a straight face. I loved to tease him.

He started to mumble something in return, but the professor stopped him, shutting his mouth magically. He turned to face her, apparently protesting, but his voice was muffled out, and the room was filled with laughter.

At the end of the class, the teacher approached Sirius, who'd been exceptionally silent due to his welded lips, and muttered the counter curse.

-I'm not going to lie to you, Mr. Black : I wish I didn't have the counter curse, however…» She sighed and returned to her desk.

-I think it would've been nice to have some peace and quiet everytime you're around, Padfoot.» James laughed, patting his friend on the back. They walked out into the hallway, along with the other children.

-The fan girls would've gotten bored.» He replied, glancing at the mass of bleached hair staring avidly his way. Some even risked a timid wave.

-Why?» I asked, ignoring the idiots who stuffed their bras and smothered themselves in barbie pink lipstick in order to look more… what was the word… appealing?

-Can you imagine trying a french kiss?» Ew.

-I'd rather not imagine it, whether your lips were welded shut, or wide open, Black.» He and James snorted. They were used to these kinds of insults from me and no longer took them seriously. Come to think of it, they were never considered as anything other than jokes and/or (depending on the occasion) sarcastic comments.

-What class do we have next, Black?»

-Don't you know your schedule yet, Dawn?»

-I never bothered to remember it.»

-Why?»

-I've got you, don't I?»

-Shut up.» He snarled, annoyed. I knew he liked the fact that he was being of some use.

-So?»

-So what?»

-What cla-»

-Defense Against the Dark Arts.»

-Perfect.»

-Why, personnal favorite?»

-I get to beat you up and have a passable excuse for it.»

Sirius stopped in his tracks just long enough to let me catch up to him, and slammed me into the stone wall, forcing a few students to disperse instead of being dragged down with me.

-You're behaving like such a troll.» He laughed.

-Yeah, I'm starting to get influenced by you.» I laughed as well, rubbing my shoulder. «It's cold…» I whined.

-What?»

-The wall.»

-Ah.»

As usual, the door to the Defense Against the Dark Arts class was wide open, ready to welcome the energetic students. Severus was already inside, having picked a seat far from the back; where we usually sat. We'd had this course with the slytherins since our first year, and very soon the teachers had learned to separate us gryffindors from the others. The left part of the class was occupied by them whilst we took our place more to the right in order to keep us all attentive and in one piece. Throughout the years, there'd been a few incidents, a few illegal duels between the students, but no one had died yet, so Dumbledore figured it was alright to leave the slytherins… in such good company.

Soon after having practiced the repelling spells on each other (it was rather entertaining to walk toward someone while they were being pushed fiercely across the room), the bell rang and we made our way- with great difficulty- among the horde of hungry students to grab ourselves a seat at the Gryffindor table.

-Dawn, you're eating real food?»

-Yeah.» I swallowed loudly, staring at the food set on the table. Chicken legs. Cooked.

-Oy, you have to try it before deciding you don't like it. Here.» He tossed a few things in my plate. «Try.» I swallowed again and dug my fork in the meat. It tasted like roasted human flesh, with the texture of pickled celeri.

-How'd you like it?»

-It's disgusting.» Every one who'd happened to hear the conversation shrugged.

-Why?» One of them asked, mouth full.

-It's so dry.»

-Then have some pumpkin juice.»

-Good idea.» I picked up the glass and chugged it down. Too clumpy. «I think I'm going back to my all-potion diet. Now if you'll excuse me…»

* * *

yet another chapter! Review if you like! It's about to get very interesting, so keep reading! 


	6. a silvery orb

whoopee! chapter 6 is up, and thanks to_ Silver_ who's been reviewing all this time! Please review some more!I love it!

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The rest of the day was a breeze, and I was getting anxious, constantly imagining all sorts of unusual scenarios about the events that were to take place tonight. The full moon was already up, giving a silver glow to the forest and the lake's smooth surface. Every once in a while, a bubble would come up from under water, a significant reminder that there was still life under there somewhere, rumors of a giant squid or something.

The earth's surface was littered with random mud puddles and at some places, snow still covered the faded grasses of the grounds. Nevertheless, a group of young boys were taking turns riding the new broomstick one of them had just gotten as a birthday present. They'd lift off, loop around the castle, their scarves and robes flickering behind them, supported by the wind, and then drop slowly and steadily to the ground where another would hop on in turn.

The fresh air whipped me in the face and I took a deep breath, enjoying the released atmosphere. The stress that day had accumulated had faded away, the homework finished, and the joyful tone of all the gryffindor students lifted my mood even more, if it was possible.

Slowly, however, the rumours of the room diminished in volume, a sign that many had either gone to bed, or were preparing to, and I soon found myself the last in the common rom, aside from James and Sirius who threw me annoyed glances every five minutes, as if urging me to go. I pretended to yawn and mumbled an incomprehensible sort of «g'night» to the boys before heading up the spiral staircase to my dorm, waited a few seconds, and silently made my way back down where I caught a glimpse of robes rushing out of the common room, through the opening of the Fat Lady's portrait that served as a door.

I quickly and silently followed them down to one of the halls that led toward the forbidden forest, where a dangerous whomping willow thrashed about, ferociously attempting to sever all who dared approach within its' grasp. The door slammed shut and I pressed my ear against it to hear what was being planned on the other side. The sound was so muffled by the thick wooden doors that I couldn't hear a thing. My curiosity taking over, I opened it and caught Sirius as he was running off toward the giant tree.

-What're you doing outside, this time a night?»

-That's none of your business.» He suddenly seemed alarmed, as if he was doing something illegal- or purely dangerous- and was afraid I'd find out. Well it was too late for that.

-You're not supposed to be he-» My voice was drowned out by a loud, shrieking cry, a howl from a pained, tortured creature.

-What was that?» I asked, squinting to see in the darkness. Something caught my attention, it was moving, very fast, in our direction, reflecting the light emanating from the full moon. From what I could make out, it was about the size of a bear and had glistening, hay colored fur. Its piercing yellow eyes stared in mine, and I understood instantly that it was a wild beast, driven by an avid craving for human flesh that it normally wouldn't have during any other time of the month.

-You're trying to tame a were wofl? Are you _mad?_»

-Shit.» Sirius exclaimed, pushing me toward the castle. «He's coming this way. Go back inside, Dawn, _now!_»

-What? I can't leave you here with!»

-Dammit, Dawn, just _go!_»

We'd gotten to the steps, and still the werewolf was gaining on us rapidly, merely fifty yards away. I dared to look back and noticed another creature ran beside it. It had a much darker color than the other, and its build was much smaller. In fact, it didn't look- even a bit- like the creature at its side. There were antlers placed on top of the other animal. Odd. What was a stag doing beside a ravenous werewolf?

Terror struck me again and I found I was unable to move even the slightest muscle. I was like paralyzed at thought that it might end up biting me if I didn't do anything, but there was nothing I could do. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I was pushed inside by Sirius and the door was slammed shut behind me. He had stayed outside. With the beasts.

I don't know why I didn't go back to try to save him, maybe it was seeing Sirius's face appearing in my mind, repeating «trust me, trust me» over and over again. I knew he could very well take care fo himself, but I couldn't help worrying. Why didn't I go back then? No idea. Of course, the… smart thing to do would have been to warn a teacher, however, I realised I'd most likely get a detention as well for being out. As for Sirius, no doubt he'd have been expelled. There was nothing to do, really, but to go back to bed and pretend nothing had happened, although I doubted I'd get much shut-eye for the rest of the night.

When the clocktower signaled five o'clock, I jumped out of bed, unable to stand the silence and the time that went oh, so slowly. I'd been counting the minutes go by since 2 in the morning, lying perfectly immobile in my bed, hoping I'd wake up and it would already be time for school.

I couldn't get the werewolf out of my mind. It was suicide to try to tame something like that. I could still see the troubled yellow eyes, the glistening fur, and the deer. What was it doing there? Then it occurred to me that I hadn't heard the Marauders coming back inside the common room. Sure, James and Sirius were unusual, but they were human, and they needed sleep. Therefore, I deduced that they'd be somewhere inside the castle, half asleep, if not already snoring away.So, I set out to find them.

The first place I was going to check was the Hospital Wing. I figured they would've gotten injured- the idiots- and, I was right. Halfway. They'd managed to get back, undetected, to the Gryffindor tower. I hadn't expected them to be able to walk all the way up.

It was no great surprise to the guys, however, when I walked in and sat on the couch in front of them, crossing my arms, expecting an explanation. Sirius, I noticed, was covered in bleeding cuts, and I wondered if Pomfrey had any idea to what they were up to. James, on the other hand, seemed more bruised than anything, as if he'd been thrown around by the whomping willow. Neither of them spoke, instead they found the patterns of the rug on the floor rather interesting, which made me certain they'd lied more than once about the werewolf incidents- I guessed they'd been out without permission every full moon for a while now. It was a miracle they hadn't been caught and/or expelled.

James finally yawned and managed to break through most of the tense atmoshpere that had been building up. Neither of us had seen an expression so funny for a while, and we laughed, momentarily forgetting the seriousness of the situation.

-I'm tired.»

-No wonder. You haven't had a wink of sleep in nearly 24 hours.» (he'd had quidditch practice the previous morning)

-I'm going up.»

We watched as James slowly krept up the stairs, limping and muttering in pain every few steps.

-How long?» I whispered once he'd closed the dorm door behind him. «How long have you been doing this?»

-What, you mean going out for a nighttime stroll on the grounds?»

-No, you _know_ what I mean.» He insisted I say what I knew. Maybe he'd cast an amnesia spell on me. Not good. With a sigh of exasperation, I finally specified the question. « How long have you been 'out for a nighttime stroll on the grounds' during the full moon, with a werewolf?»

-Only since last year.»

-Since last year?»

-Impressed?» I knew that cocky attitude. He knew I couldn't believe he wasn't dead yet, or expelled, and he thought it made him even sexier than he already was- I doubt that was possible.

-Dissapointed.» I smiled. It caught him completely off-guard.

-What?»

-I would've found it quite amusing to see you off to King's Cross halfway through the year.»

-Oh, yes. Amusing.» His tone made me laugh.

-You know, Dawn,» Sirius said, leaning closer« you're the most original girl I've ever met.» I stared deep into his icy-grey eyes.

-It's not saying much ; all the others are a trademark of ' Sirius's number one fan Barbie '.»

His lips gently brushed mine, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I shivered from head to toe as he pressed them more firmly against my own. I felt a certain agitation bubbling inside me ; the same one I had when my fangs were ready to dig into flesh, when blood dripped out of a neck wound and into my mouth. That same warm blood, essence of life, the one I'd craved for so long. The red liquid that allowed me to live as an immortal, live, yet I was already dead in a way.

Although I acted and looked like a living person, I'd also died. One fatefulday I'd awoken with a painful scar just below my jawline, amidst the remains of sand colored bricks, the ruins of a castle, or a mansion, with no recollection ofanything thatmight've happened before. In a corner, a mirror lay still, the only thing that hadn't been invaded by ivy. Many days, I lay in front of it, unable to focus on my reflection. Even now, though, it never came.

I sought help from a kind man, Albus Dumbledore, who happened to be the headmaster of Hogwarts; school of witchcraft and wizardry. He'd gladly given me a place to sleep, earn money, and practice the talents I'd earned tranforming into this beast of night. I could've turned into one of them, the vampires, but I refused to be more than a simple witch. If they knew I'd resigned to this type of life, instead of blindly quenching my thirsts, satisfying my beast-like urges, who knows what they'd be capable of doing. But Dumbledore had found me a safe hiding spot not long ago. I couldn't remember… what was his name… a young man… Sirius Black.

Suddenly, like waking up from a particularily gruesome nightmare, I realised I'd moved from his mouth, and was slowly heading for the jugular, guided by my instincts. Sirius hadn't noticed this odd behaviour, as if it was all some unusual foreplay. If I didn't stop myself now, I'd end up… Oh my God… I didn't want to be a murderer. Not now, not ever. I pushed him off.


	7. secrets revealed

yipee. yet another chapter. review if ye liketh!

* * *

-What the fuck are you doing?»

-Stay away from me!» He raised an eyebrow as I backed off toward the wall.

-What _is_ it with you? You're always backing off at the last second.» I ran my hand nervously through my long dark hair, searching for an excuse. Can you imagine what it would sound like if I told him the truth? «Guess what? I'm a vampire, and I'm afraid to start sucking your blood if I get too close!» Charming. Really.

-Why don't you tell me the truth, Dawn?»

-It wouldn't do anyone any good.»

-Listen, whatever it is you have, I'm sure you're not alone.»

-Ha! Right.» I let myself fall on the couch nearest to where I was and stared at him. I knew he wanted to know, and I was burning inside; I wanted to tell him. I needed someone to confess to. But there was no one who'd understand.

-I could help if- if only you'd let me try.»

-Funny...aren't you under the impression we've had this exact conversation before?»

-Dammit, Dawn! Don't ignore me!» He leaned on the arm rests, making sure he was in my range of view. I avoided looking into his (unfortunately) convincing eyes.

-I want to go outside.» I said, pushing him out of my way. From what I could see, he thought I needed more privacy to reveal my secret. I smiled. Pity he'd be dissapointed.

The air outside was cool and snow had begun falling, although we were far into the month of march. From the grey skies, the flakes descended until they'd melt into the ground, leaving behind many puddles of mud. The air was humid, and the ground slippery, but the rocks surrounding the lake remained unchanged by this temperature. Sirius walked beside me. He'd untied his tie, and it now hung from his shoulder. Our hands were both snuck inside our pockets, and we listened to the calming sound of wind and chirp of birds as the sun slowy appeared above the horizon.

-…So?» He finally asked.

I sighed and resolved to tell him all of it. Beside, if he didn't react well, I'd just have to cast an amnesia spell. Nothing complicated. Maybe all my problems would be solved, maybe it was better to let him know. I had nothing to lose.

-You _promise_ you won't tell anyone?» I asked.

-Promise.»

-I- er… I'm a… well, a… oh God…» I took in another deep breath, and decided to get it overwith. It wasn't that hard to tell him, well… it shouldn't be.

-Imavampire.»

-A what?»

-…Please don't drive a wooden stake through my heart.» I winced, expecting the worst.

-…ready for _my_ secret?»

-huh?»

-I owe you one.»

-You're not running away?»

-Why? If you'd wanted to kill me you could've done it many times before. I guess you have the will to be good, therefore you aren't evil, and I shouldn't have a reason to run away.» Wow. What a relief.

-…What's your secret, then?»

-Well, it's more like a friend's secret.» I raised an eyebrow. «That werewolf you saw last night-»

-What about it?»

-It's actually Remus. Remus Lupin.» I gasped, turning to him. Lupin? _Him_? «Still think I'm mad?»

-That's so… selfless…You'd risk your life for the sake of your friend. I'm surprised.»

-And you thought you knew me.» He rested his hands on top of his head and grinned. I guess it was somekind of rush to be unexpected. Guys are unpredictable.

-Dawn!» A man's voice called behind us. Turning around, we noticed a particularily repulsing face. Framed by nearly white strands of hair, Lucius Malfoy's face was practically flawless. Nevertheless, it was a face not many were glad to see. Sirius was the first, as always, to reply.

-Walking your pets, Malfoy?» He glared at the spotless robe, silky hair, thin, but impressive figure of the man with extreme dislike. His usual crowd of slytherins stood close behind, arms crossed.

-Walking yours, Dawn?» Sirius growled and stepped forward defiantly, but I pushed him back. Malfoy, I was certain, had not intended to pick a fight...yet.

-What is it?» I asked.

-I wonder if I might have a word with you-» He started, throwing back his impressive mane-like hair.

-What do you want from her?»

-Nothing that concerns you, Black.» He sighed, rolling his eyes ; to him, Sirius was as ridiculous and pathetic as they came. A waste of effort, he'd called him once. Lucius turned his attention to me once again. «In private, perhaps?»

I felt Lucius's frigid stare run across the lake, then back to me. I hesitated at first ; God knows what he was planning. He'd never bothered to talk to me in private before. Come to think of it, he'd never bothered to talk to me at all, whether it be for an insult or a comment. I slowly nodded.

Sirius seemed absolutely shocked by my decision, but at least he didn't let it show… as much as he might've planned to. He walked past Lucius and whispered in his ear before walking away. Those words echoed around in my head until he was out of sight, in the castle. « If you come within even a yard of her, I'll tear you from limb to limb and snap your fancy, manicured fingers until your bones are reduced to powder.»

-Quite…posessive your boyfriend, no?»

-He's not my boyfriend!» I retorted, getting uselessly agitated.

-Now. Down to business.» He turned to face me and rolled up his sleeve, revealing a nasty looking scar… in the shape of a skeleton's head with a snake slithering out of its mouth.

-The dark mark…» I gasped, taking a step back. It was obvious enough that he was on Lord Voldemort's side, but never would I have thought he'd actually get around to getting the mark while he was still a student. it was a terrible risk to take. No wonder he'd never wear short sleeved shirts.

-Yes, the Dark Mark.» He sighed. «Dawn, you have the chance to become someone important, respected, loved. Don't blow it away.»

-Why should I join your side,» I wondered aloud «when all I know, all I've learned to like, is opposite to this one?» Malfoy smiled. I knew the answer to that question. He'd never let me live in peace if I said no. And if I said yes, I'd have to leave everything behind and watch it die slowly, knowing it was all my fault. Either way, I'd lose everything I'd gained. The Sirius of my dream was right ; everywhere I'd go, I'd bring death and destruction.

-There won't be a side oppsite to mine, princess. Not after we're through with it.» I examined the scar that orned his arm once more, an intense feeling of helplessness taking over my body. Malfoy watched me one last time before turning back to the castle. «You have a week.» He shouted, looking over his shoulder.

-Wha'd 'e say?»

I sighed heavily ; Sirius had asked me the same thing over and over again all day. I was about to answer precisely what I'd said the first, second, third, fourth, and every time following that :

-Nothing that puts me in danger.»

-But I want to know the _exact_ words!»

-I don't remember!»

-Riiiight.»

-Leave me alone, Black! I'm in no mood to talk to you!»

-Did 'e, you know… _touch_ you?»

-No!»

-Did 'e ask you out?»

-No!»

-Did 'e talk about me?»

-No!…wait. Yes.»

-Aha!» Hi face lit up. «Wha-»

-He said you were a protective bastard, that you get on everyone's nerves, and that he liked the knickers you were wearing today.»

-Really?»

-No, just the first part.»

-Who said the rest?»

-No one in particular.»

-You like my knickers?»

James happened to pass by at that moment, accompanied by the scabby werewolf Remus Lupin. He instantly jumped into the conversation.

-Yeah, those ones you're wearing right now make you look _real_ sexy.» Thank _God_ no one had heard. Our voices were covered by the familiar chaos of the common room ; people yelling, laughing, talking, throwing things-

-Oy! Watch it!» Sirius yelped ; someone had just thrown a thick, hard covered book across the room with the help of a repelling spell, and it had very nearly knocked him unconcious. Just a few more inches to the right, and I might've been spared the humiliation that was to come.

Silence gradually conquered the common room, although not many had gone to bed. I'm guessing they'd just run out of energy. Hey, it happens.

-This place is dead, and it's only nine.» Someone declared, getting himself a few heads nodding in approval.

-Anyone for truth or dare?» Fuck.


	8. truth or dare

Sirius, don't drag me into this!» I reluctantly sat on the rug, where weformeda tight circle ; many younger kids had refused to play, convinced it was for their own good, and they were right. Who's to blame them? James and Sirius, two daredevils playing truth or dare… you were lucky if you managed to keep your dignity and life throughout the entire game.

You have to.» He replied. «Who wants to start?» There was an uncomfortable silence during which the students took in a deep breath of air, accepting the fact that it might just be the end of their 'important' reputations.

I will.» One of the seventh years spoke up, clearing his throat. There were rumours about that man. I'd once heard he was addicted to somekind of drug which he was given for free by his parents : apparently they were druggies as well.

See, the people that formed the circle of 'daredevils' all had a supposedly high rank according to the fangirls' list of cool people. Thus why everyone in the circle was considered popular, and permitted to play this game. It was always the more juicy kind of gossip in fangirl conversations. What I don't understand, is what _I_, of all people, was doing here, surrounded by revolting guys who were so full of themselves they kissed their portraits every night before going to bed. Okay, I might be going a little over the top, but still. You get the picture.

Dawn!»

Yeah?»

Nice to see you here.» Oh, I get it. They all want a piece of me. I can't help it if I'm irresistible. It's in my blood. Vampires secrete this odorless hormone to attract their prey and make it doze off a bit before taking a bite. It works kind of like a sedative.

Yeah. Goodnight.» I attempted to rise up on my feet, but I noticed Black had his arm set firmly around my shoulder so I couldn't leave.

Stay.»

No.»

Chicken.»

Fuck you.» Good going, Dawn. Sirius grinned, most likely thinking of the same thing as me ; the morning I woke up in his bed. « We'd forgotten it, remember?»

Dawn, truth or dare?»

um…truth.»

How did you like sleeping with Black?» I groaned. There was no escaping the mistake I'd made, and to make matters worse, I was sure it wasn't going to be the last.

um…»

Come on, Dawn, I know you enjoyed it.» Sirius teased.

Shut up!» I turned my head in the other direction. Stupid Sirius. «I actually don't remember a thing.»

Liar…» James whispered.

Leave the girl alone, Potter. She answered, she's done, and now she's gotta pick someone.»

Potter.»

Dare.»

Figured. How far would you go to get Evans to like you?»

I thought I said d-»

Ooh, trick question, I like that.» James was elbowed by his friend. «Answer it.»

I'd… what do you want me to do?» He ran a hand through his hair, awaiting his sentence.

Buy her an explosive flower bouquet.»

Argh! You want to _kill_ me?»

He's right. No offense to the lady, but she doesn't have the most patient and friendly attitude. You'd be sending him straight down, six feet underground.»

Yeah.» All the others agreed.

And you call this truth or dare… pity. »

Alright, I'll do it if _you _pick dare.»

Okay. I pick dare.» Smart move.

'Course you do. I dare you to pretend that Sirius here's your boyfriend and you love him _so_ _very_ much.» My eyes widened. That was _so_ _very_ unfair. «For three days.» He added. Sirius was grinning, his cheeks slightly pink. Arms crossed, he savoured his victory.

I hate this game…» I groaned again, burrying my face in my hands.

'S alright, luv. You'll live.»

Dawn?»

_What_?» This game was getting irritating.

You have to pick someone to go next.»

Right.» I glared at James.

You _can't_ pick the same person all the time, you know.»

Darn.»

For the remainder for the evening, we attended hilarious cabaret-like musicals, enjoyed random spell casting, enduring some smooches, nothing considered as rated R, and interesting revelations that proved the most part of rumours complete bullox.

Anyone up for a Grand Finale?» The man who'd started the game had looked at the time and noticed everyone was beginning to yawn every couple of minutes, therefore suggesting everyone go to bed after this.

Go ahead, what's the dare?»

It'll be a race.»

We're listening.»

Outside, in the quidditch field, _everyone _is involved.»

Sure.»

Wait, won't we get caught by Filch?»

That's only the first part.»

Also the easiest.» James laughed.

We picked up our coats, pulled them on, and headed outside the common room, where we were going to the quidditch field, undetected by the old janitor, Argus Filch, and his cat, Mrs. Norris. Walking through the corridors proved to be quite tough. Out of fear, no one had dared use their wands to light the halls, resulting in many bruises for having bumped into a wall, or a statue of some kind. We soon heard footsteps that weren't our own, and an unusual groan coming from the bottom of the stairs leading to the Great Hall. Filch. Who else? While students ran around in circles, searching for cover, James and Sirius pulled me aside into a crook in the wall, where we didn't risk being bumped into, although it wasn't nearly big enough to hide us all, and spare us from detention. I was covered by a blanket, and noticed the two guys had done the same.

What're you playing at? Do you really think a blank-»

Shush!» They motioned franctically. I shrugged and turned to watch Filch who'd passed right by us. Even when he looked our way, I had a feeling we were invisible to him. What was going on?

When the janitor was well out of sight, dragging with him three students whom he'd caught, the cloak was pulled off my head. I turned to the boys ; this was going to need an explanation. A bloody good one.

Where in the Helllfire did you get this?»

It was James's dad's before, and now he's got it. It's an invisibility cloak.»

D'you know how hard it is to find one of those?» I asked, still in shock. Of all people, why did _James_ get the awesome stuff?

Yeah. Now let's go before 'e comes back.» Sirius said, nodding toward the dungeons, where Filch's office was located.

Right.»

We cautiously opened the front doors ; the closest ones to the quidditch field, and instantly felt the chilling atmosphere. Frost had covered the most part of the lake and the grounds were thick with ice. Most of those who hadn't brought their coats turned back at this point, the cold being unbearable to their bodies. It seemed winter would never end.

Great.» James muttered. «And they expect us to play quidditch tomorrow.»

'S alright, Prongs, I'll just turn you into a polar bear and you'll be fine.»

I don't think his uniform would fit.»

Just think of the fan girls. They'd have a cuddly, teddy bear mascott by their side.»

I want to go see what we'll be doing. I'll be right back.» James replied, rushing over to the seventh year walking at the front of their little group of daredevils.

Finally.» Sirius sighed, taking a hold of my hand. I stopped and stared at him aqwardly.

What th-»

You remember that dare you agreed to?»

Gods, how can I forget.» I rolled my eyes. Great. Just great.

You know,» he replied, pulling me closer until I felt the warmth of his body surround me, «We don't have to pretend.»

He closed in on the last inch that remained between us and lifted my head with his free hand until our lips came in contact. He deeped the kiss, and for once in my life, I wasn't afraid. I thought my legs would give out again, that I'd fall into unconciousness, that I'd meet that Sirius of my nightmares again, but that was just a thought. I knew inside myself that I'd never hurt him, therefore I'd never feel guilty. I knew he was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. That kiss had seemed to last merely a few seconds, but it had satified an eternity of anguish and pain. For the first time, I knew I'd reached the Ultima Thule of happiness. I realised that, without knowing it, I'd slowly allowed his tongue to touch mine, and they were now both entertwined as if dancing, dancing to the rhythm of love.

We broke apart slowly, hearing impatient groans from here and about the place. James and the others were waiting for us to begin the race. Blushing, we both headed toward the entrance to the field and awaited the instructions to the remaining part of the challenge.

Alright. Now that we're all here,» he glared at us, and continued to explain, « we can begin. First, we'll use the fusionning spell to bind our legs together, and we'll get to the other side of the field AFAP. The last thirteen to reach it will do something really stupid in front of McGonnagall earning themselves, hopefully, a nice detention.»

Wait a sec, this doesn't seem fair.» someone complained.

Why not?»

Because you're captain of the quidditch team and you're more fit than a dragon.»

Alright. You get a two second head start. Happy?» Everyone glanced around, as if silently debating, then approved.

Yes, we're happy.»

Good. Everyone got their wands out? Go!»

Orange light flashed about as the students bound their legs together and headed off. I'd never had such a hard time running before, althugh I'm sure it looked more like we were hopping. Many had falen to the floor andd resorted to slithering their way to the finish line, but I was determined to get there by foot. After a few pathetic crashes to the floor, I began to hear victorious exclamations, people shouting : «First!» «Second!» «Third!» If I didn't want a detention, I'd have to get there before anyone yelled «Seven!» .The finish line was a few inches away, and I let myself fall, yelling :

Six!»

Congrats, Dawn, you made it.» Sirius who of course, had been second, followed very closely by James, held out his hand to drag me up.

Oh no.» I turned my head to the grounds and had to squint to see exactly what stood there : filch, among other members of the school's personnel, was headed for the field.

Shit.»

How'd he find out?»

Time to run.» Sirius pulled me by the hand and grabbed James as well, running for cover. We'd just managed to slip under the invisibility cloak, saving us from a undoubtedly painful detention.

The students were gathered and sent back to their dorms, a kind of guilt floating over them like a cloud that only the professors could conjure.

We should go too.» James noted as we just stood there, dissapointed by the ending to tonight's adventure. Sirius and I agreed.

* * *

please review! I love getting reviews! This was one of my first written lovescenes. riveting, no?


	9. true love?

'Night, Potter, Black.» I yawned, planning to go straight to bed as soon as I'd crossed the Fat Lady's portrait.

You can't go _now_.» Sirius stiffled a yawn as well.

Why not?»

I haven't finished with you.» He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him until our entire bodies slowly, and very gently collided against each other.

With every breath, I could feel his muscles contracting beneath his blouse, and the perfume that emanated from him was entransing. I wanted more of him, not just a kiss. I wanted to lose myself in his arms forever, I wanted to forget the world outside of his grasp because the only thing that was worth living for was him. The feeling of belonging somewhere I'd never feel uncomfortable tempted me, but I knew time, as much as I'd want it to stop, would keep on rolling by just as fast as it had always moved. Reluctantly, I tore myself away from Sirius and walked upstairs to my bed where I lay awake for several hours. Well, I think it was several hours. My mind kept replaying these brief instants of bliss, and I don't know how many times I felt his lips touch mine again and again until I started dozing off from a burning desire to suddenly turn night into day and see the only one I seemed to be able to concentrate on : Sirius Black.

A loud banging nose made my heart skip and it hit me that it had come from the door to the girl's dorm. Someone was either trying to come upstairs or had tripped in the process. I jumped to the floor and headed off to see who it was. After all, I had nothing better to do.

Sirius?» I exclaimed, seeing the familiar frame, lounging on the floor of the common room. «What the fuck were you trying to do?» No answer. «Are you _alive_?»

A groan confirmed that my worst fears had not come true. I helped him back up and asked again what he was doing.

Couldn't sleep.» came the grumbled reply. I raised an eyebrow. You had to be seriously deranged to want to attempt getting into our dorm very early in the morning for no good reason… or just sleepwalking. Either way, it was weird.

You… couldn't sleep… so you decided to try and see if I was awake?»

…» I sighed, rolling my eyes. Ugh- guys. «Alright, I get it. It was a dumb idea.» He said.

Unbelievably dumb, actually.» I corrected, a slight curl to my lips.

Shut up.»

Goodnight, Black.» I walked back up the stairs.

What! Wait up!» Another loud bang.

You're _such_ an idiot! Don't you know that guys just _can't_ get up here!» I turned back and stared at him with an expression as straight as I could get on my face. Aside the fact that what he was doing was irrationnal, it was pretty funny.

Damn, I think I broke my nose.»

Serves you right.» Mmm, the sweet smell of fresh blood filling my nostrils.

Woah! Back off! Are you _mad_!» I blinked until the room came back into focus. Without knowing it, I'd approached him and started pinning him down to the floor, licking my lips. I was currently standing over him, keeping him from wiggling away. «D'you know you're vicious?»

Oh my God. I'm so sorry.» I rolled off, still in a state of shock. I wasn't meant to have a boyfriend. I'd end up killing him, and I'd feel guilty for the remainder of my lonely life.

You're a bloody menace.»

I know.»

I mean,» he laughed, « I don't mind if it's all for some cheeky foreplay, but I'd really appreciate if you restrained yourself from biting me and sucking me dry next time.» I slapped him behind the head.

That sounded really sick. You know that, right?»

Whoops.» he snorted. Yeah. You can see the effort he put into that last sentence. 'Whoops' is not considered a sentence. It's a stupid expression, an excuse so guys don't have to explain what they don't feel like saying in the first place.

Sirius is a wonderful guy, don't get me wrong; he's handsome, strong, funny, among many other qualities. The _fact_ remains that he is a guy. And all guys are the same when it comes to sexual innuendos and mixed messages. You can count on me when I say they can come up with the most expressions to describe a single word : 'sex'.

So.» Sirius had managed to stop the blood from flowing into his mouth or around, passing by the chin and dripping to the floor. He was now able to talk normally. As normally as he'd even spoken, obviously. «I'm guessing you weren't sleeping either. You seem to be the only one who heard the racket I made.» Racket indeed. « Are you mad at me?»

No. I think you're really weird.»

Welcome to the real world, princess.»

Don't call me princess.»

Why not, _princess_?»

Don't make me bite you.»

Why not?» He repeated.

Because only Malfoy calls me p-» Shit. I'd forgotten about him. It's hard to think about someone you hate when the one you love is pulling you in a dazzling kiss.

What?» Sirius asked, his curiosity overpowering the rational part of his mind. «Why does Malfoy ca- you know I don't like him even a tad. _Especially_ when he's with you.»

He's got The Mark, Sirius.»

You jest.»

I wish I were.»

We've got to tell the Headmaster!»

Don't.»

Why not?»

Do you have even the _slightest _idea of what he can _do_? With Voldemort on his side, there's no stopping him from getting whatever he wants.»

And he wants-»

Me, yes.»

_And you're just going to let him screw you!_» He jolted up from his seat and looked down at me, his face distorted by the confused emotions that ran through his mind and his heart.

Well…»

Well _what_?» he spat, his fists clenched tightly.

I'd never thought of that possibility before.» Sirius raised an eyebrow. As if all I thought about all day was getting raped by some evil cocroach. «Listen,» I continued, raising my voice as well, « all the…vapires… have gathered on his side, except for me. And I have a nice, easy choice to make before he comes to talk to me again soon : Do I want to see everyone dear to me die with or without a mark carved into my forearm?»

You're fucked.»

No shit.»

We were both attentive to the familiar sounds of the night; students snoring, beds creaking, giant squids splashing about and thought on our own, debating on whether to state the obvious once again, or attempt to figure a way out of the mess. Sirius had an idea in mind.

If we get you through about four months without dying, I might be able to keep you hiding safely for the remainder of the summer vacations. I recon we could go now, if we told Dumbledore.»

I'd rather wait.»

Four months is a long time.»

They'll get supicious, and I can't just sit around and hide all day, Sirius.» I whined. «Besides, if, let's say, I adhere to Malfoy's invitation, I might be able to get some information on Voldemort that could help us defeat him later.»

And if he finds out you're spying on him?»

You forget I'm immortal.»

You can still feel pain. I wasn't talking about you anyway.» I gaped in disbelief.

You selfish… You can't remain serious for more than two seconds, can you?»

Sirius grinned and wrapped his arms around me protectively.

Just be careful. » He whispered. I promised I would, even though I had no way of making sure.

Exactly a week had passed since that night, and I'd been stupid enough to forget Malfoy and all about his evil plans. In fact, I'd forgotten it so well I was surprised to see him waiting for me, leaning on the doorframe of the empty classroom beside the staircase to the divination tower. The bell had rung to signal the beginning of the afternoon and the end of classes for the day. The hyperactive students rushed outside, where the weather had finally taken a summery turn. The birds sung happily, the sun was high and bright, the weather had warmed up, and the days were longer.

Good afternon, princess.» he whispered in my ear. I'd told James and Sirius to move along, but they froze in place, having second thoughts about my plan. It was too late now, though, as Malfoy had dragged me into the room he'd stood behind seconds before and shut the door. I took a deep breath an asked what I had to :

Does it hurt?»

Not if you embrace the feeling.» He smiled. Mad, they were all mad. « Glad you've decided to join us. Maybe I'll see more of you from now on.» He clasped a red, frizzy strand of hair from my head, conscious that I was scared nearly to death. «Why do you tremble, Dawn? It isn't the anticipation, I imagine.» I swallowed hard. It was too obvious that I was trying to get in as a spy. I'd never live through this. I wish I could just apologize and leave, and that these actions would have no repercussion whatsoever on my surroundings.

When do I get… labeled?»

As soon as the summer vacations begin.» He saw the dissapointment in my eyes. «Is that to early? Too late?»

I'd… rather have it now, get it overwith.»

I'll see if I can arrange it. Meanwhile, we meet every Tuesday night, Saturday night, and Sunday morning. Bye, princess.» He turned and left the room. The tension instantly dropped, and I let out a sigh so loud I was sure he'd heard it from the other side of the door. Sirius stepped in.

So!» He almost shouted. The other Marauders stood behind him.

I…» I was silent. I'd lost track of time during the meeting, concentrated on the fast ticking of my own heart. How could I have heard the clock? I wasn't even sure of what we'd talked about during that time.

Wha'd 'e do, wha'd 'e say?»

I…um.»

He likes you, I know it. Did he try to kiss you?»

Uh…no?»

Hmm.»

What kind of spell,d 'e cast on you?»

No-nothing, no spell.»

Finally, she's talking.»

Shut up, give 'er time. It's not that easy, you know.»

And you would know exactly _how_?»

Enough.» Remus sighed, pushing the quarreling couple aside. «Did he say he'd give you the mark? (I nodded) Good. When do you get to meet the others?»

Something like… Tuesday night and sometime during the weekend…Saturday night and Sunday morning.»

We'll need their names.»

Huh?»

I think that's about it for now.»

Rem…» The Marauders pulled him into the tight circle, expecting to act all mysteriously, I imagine. Obviously, I heard every word.

Do you think he kissed her?»

It's possible, no? I mean, look at her face, she blushes if you even look at her.» They al turned their faces to watch me, and in my ebarrassement, I guess I'd blushed, because they turned back and kept mumbling.

See?

What if she's just afraid to get the mark?» Ah, finally, a smart one. There were murmurs of approbation, and they decided they'd end the conversation there.

Let's go eat. Dawn, I think I have some food you might actually like this time.»

Riiight.» Every now and then, the boys had enjoyed giving me anything edible they'd find and watch the expression of digust on my face. Why did I adhere to this pointless entertainement in the first place?

The sun was, once again, falling below the horizon, and was halfway drowned out by the forbidden forest. The golden and blood red rays of the sky filtered through the trees, giving the grounds a most gruesome appearance. The Marauders and I were sprawled about the cushy grass, enjoying the humid freshness they had retained during the hot day, taking a small break from 'Tag', which we'd been playing since after they'd unsuccessfully tried to poison me with something they called eggplant.

Where's Sirius?»

Still tagging people, I presume.»

Haven't heard him yell for a while.»

That's how he plays Tag, dear.» Snickering, James shifted his arms from his chest to the back of his head.

Maybe he's just taking a break on the other side of the castle.» Peter suggested.

Dawn, maybe you should know.» A fifth year stopped in his tracks. From the sound of his voice, it sounded serious. «Black is smooching another sixth year by the lake. A Hufflepuff.»

WHAT?»


	10. confessions

I don't believe it. Not a word of it. It's probably someone else, a misunderstanding, nothing to worry about.»

Shut up, Potter. » I walked hastily around the castle, following behind the fifth year student, but by the time we arrived, the two had already gone. I knew where to look for them. Evening was settling in and, although the students were running out of energy, they'd stay outside for quite a while, enjoying one of the first warm days of the year. Sirius and his 'girlfriend' had run off to a deserted, private place, for a while at least, inside the gryffindor's common room.

'Evenin', Black.» I smiled, gritting my teeth to prevent me from…making him suffer a most painful death.

Oy! Prongs, 'thought I told you to keep everyone out until 8!»

Shit. Dawn, _please_ don't kill me. »

You mean-_you_ were in this too? »

I…er-it wasn't exactly _planned_…» James ran a hand through his hair, looking nervously toward the portrait. I guess he hoped someone would run in to magically change the conversation. I, on the other hand, wanted an explanation.

Black, » I said «I think we need to talk.» He gulped, wincing a bit, then straightened his face.

About what?»

Oh, I wonder. » I sat beside him, pushing the other girl away. «Scram, blondie. I've got business to settle.» No need to say she left without hesitation, although, I must admit, more than just a litle vexed.

I guess you don't appreciate me running off in the middle of a game.»

I like your attempt at the 'I'm innocent' excuse. Tell me why.»

Why what?»

Get to the point, Black.»

I just-do I have to have a reason?»

Let me think…»

I felt like it, I guess.»

You _felt_ like cheating on me!»

Well, yeah! And you blame me for it?»

Seems a bit unusual not to!»

Can't a man just do what he feels like doing without being yelled at?»

Running off with some blond chick you don't even know? NO!»

Dammit, lower your voice down! »

No! Listen, Black. Drop the act, and talk to me like a man. I thought you loved me.»

I guess you thought wrong. Why can't you understand me?»

Why can't you_ try _to understand _me_? »

If you don't like what I do-»

You mean what you're not supposed to be doing?»

Where is that written down? I don't see any bloody rulebook in the first place!»

It's common sense, Black! You don't go make out with somene else when you have a girlfriend!»

And why not?»

Because that's something you do when you love someone! You don't do it because you 'feel like it'!»

How do you know! Maybe you should try and consider the fact that us guys don't work the same way as girls!»

For Godric's sake, Black! You can't start living out your little sexual fantasies! It just doesn't work that way!»

Alright, alright! I won't do it again!»

So you figure I'll just give it up, forgive you, and act as if nothing had happened? »

Well y-»

Forget it, Black.» Storming out of the room, where everybdy had gathered to watch the show, I finally took a breath and regained the normal color of my face. My vision was clearing up again and I felt much calmer now that I'd let my anger explode. I spent the next few hours wandering about the dark, moist halls of Hogwarts, dreading the time I'd have to go back and face him again. For a second, I wished I could be the only living person in the world.

I took a deep breath before I passed through the portrait hole again, and stiffened as I realised the only person still awake was the one I'd rather have asleep. I'd avoided Black effectively for three days, and hoped I'd forget him. He was always in the blondie's company, who seemed to feel sorry for me. I'd overheard one of they conversations once "Are you just using me to get back at her, Sirius?" "'Course not. I love you." Bullshit.

Every time I heard his voice or saw his shadow, I wished he didn't exsist. Yet there he was, still in my mind, still on the crimson couch, still awake.

Sirius.» I sighed.

Why do you insist on making youself hate me?»

_-Someone_'s got to be the black sheep of the herd.» I retorted, crossing my arms impatiently.

You're jealous.»

You wish.»

What makes me so dispicable to your eyes?»

You really want to know?» I waited for a sign to continue this long awaited speech. « First, I hate your attitude. I hate the way you're such an arrogant bastard, a bloody liar, and a stupid guy without a brain, or a conscience all at the same time! I'm surprised you're still alive! I hate the fact that you discard everything you don't like, you smile at every stupid thing said, you do anything to get what yu want, and when it doesn't please you any more, you just forget about it! I hate the fact that you're a bloody prat and you get better notes than me!

« Second, I hate how you look. I hate how you attract girls like shit attracts flies, an how you can get anyone you'd ever want in bed, and I hate how you talk, and how you laugh, and how you walk. I hate your blue eyes that see through even the thickest, most solid mask. I hate- I hate your strong arms, legs, I hate how you kiss, how you hug. I hate _everything _about you! I hate how you're so _perfect_! »

Hold on…» Sirius replied after having absorbed all I'd just said. I was practically hyperventilating from the anger that reddened my face and the blood that was dripping out of my very tightly clenched fist. «You think that _my_ life is _perfect_?» He shouted. I was caught by surprise.

What? »

How would _you _like it if your parents would've tried to kill you when you were younger, if they'd spent the most part of their lives beating you just because you weren't like the other son, the better son they had? How would you like going to sleep with a huge gash in your forehead or a broken nose? How would you like if you had to keep it a secret, if you couldn't get help, if you had to constantly make up stupid excuses for all the bruises, broken bones, scars? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A MISTAKE? »

Sirius, I had no idea- I'm so-»

Sorry? Don't be! I've lived with it, I'm accustomed to it by now. Don't pity me. Go to sleep, you need it: you look like shit.» He walked up the dorm's staircase and I heard a door slam, then silence. Nearly unbearable silence.

* * *

I've decided to add chapter names.I kinda think they ruin the suspense, but I guess I feel like it, so I will.Hope you like my story so far, please review me about it!


	11. need a change

When I stumbled back downstairs the next morning, it was much earlier than I had planned. I'd once again spent the entire night lying in my bed, dressed in the previous day's clothes, hair in a bloody mess. What had been keeping me awake were not only Sirius's words, but also, to my dismay, his body glistening with sweat, lust invading his stare, and his lips and hands caressing my neck, shoulder, chest… There was no way I could keep him out of my head. I was beginning to find myself pathetic, rather like the fanclub that worshiped him.

'Morning. » Came a deep, drowsy voice from under the blankets spread across the rich red of the couch. It was Sirius. Again. «What're you doing down here so early?»

Couldn't sleep.»

Had a dream about me?»

…»

Nightmare?»

Understatement.»

I see.»

What about you?»

You _really_ wanna know?» He had that grin on his face that only meant he's had dirty thoughts. I shuddered at the idea that maybe he'd had a dream like mine. Ick. Well… yeah. Ick. For my age.

No.» I replied, half-jokingly backing away. I yawned. «I'm _so_ tired. » I looked at him and frowned. «How long have you been awake?»

Few hours. You?»

Few hours.» The first ray of sunshine crossed the room and illuminated a faded spot on the wallpaper of the common room.

« Why _did_ you do it? » I asked, refering to the recent incidents between us.

Not that again! » He growled, although seeming suddenly very uncomfortable. «Can we_ not _talk about this right now? It was a bloody stupid mistake, and now we're over it. Got that?»

No.»

Give it up, Dawn. It's been a week.»

Four days.» He rolled his eyes.

Women…» He sighed.

_What _about us, Sirius?»

You make such a big deal out of everything and you always insist on making life more complicated than it already is!» He threw his hands frantically in the air as he spoke. And _I_ was overreacting? «Know what?»

What?»

That's why I liked you at first-_yes_, I liked you, » he added, catching a glimpse of my expression. « You seemed so simple, so carefree.» I chuckled. Carefree… Funny. Ironic, rather.

I suppose it's too bad that you lik_ed_ me, and I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you. »

Now you're just exaggerating. »

Indeed. Have a nice day.» I wasn't planning on coming back at all to the common room if I had to cross his path all the time. I'd eventually find a nice spot somewhere secluded. I hope.

My anger had forced me, not that I really cared, to wander about the school for a few minutes, and I found I was walking somewhere in the vacinity of the dungeons. I didn't entirely know where I was, not that I cared, but I thought the walls surrounding me looked familiar. All corridors were the same. I'd find my way around sometime.

I was surprised to hear footsteps coming toward me, a dark figure approaching slowly, calmly. It was Lucius Malfoy hidden behind a cloak's hood.

There you are, princess.» He stopped only inches from my face. «You aren't lost are you?»

No. » I lied, stiffening in fear.

You missed our meeting.» Shit. «Thought I'd keep you informed.» He smiled, his teeth creating a contrast with his shadowed face. «You'll get your mark this summer, as soon as we're out of school.»

Oh, fantastic,» I forced saliva down my throat. «I can't wait.» His face turned to stone. I'm sure he noticed something was wrong. Truth is, I wasn't exactly thrilled, or looking forward to the event.

You'd better stop playing games with the big boys, princess. Especially if you can't handle them. I know you don't really want to.» He grabbed my arm and squeezed it so tight I thought he might've ripped the skin off it.

I don't really have a choice, though, do I.» I stated.

Ah, obviously not... Don't go telling you little friends, princess. I'm sure we wouldn't want them to die prematurely.»

I'm guessing that was a threat.»

It was an order.»

I must admit I would've been glad had we left it at that, glaring into each other's eyes, but fate had it going another way. Lucius forced my lips onto his, pressing me against the wall, holding both my hands with his firm grip, and blocking my legs so I wouldn't kick. I felt the passion in his kiss, but I swear, had I been human, I would've died of fright. I was in frozen disgust, waiting for this be over : I couldn't move a muscle. If I'd been able to, I'd have fought him off and run away, but my mind was busier thinking about Sirius. I hoped, I pleaded he'd come to my rescue, and at the same time, I was cursing at myself for having been so stupid on so many occasions in my life.

Malfoy pulled himself off, offended by the fact that I wasn't 'into it' as much as he'd like, and retreated to some other dark corner. I ran back to the Gryffindor common room with the speed of a cheetah, grabbed any tube of toothpaste I could get my hands on, and headed for the washrom, or a sink, or _anything_ that would help get the filth out of my mouth, and off my body.

There was a loud rap at the door, the fourth one since I'd locked myself in the girls' washroom.

Dawn, how long have you been in there? »

Um... » I looked at the clock dangling off a screw that had been violently hammered into the wall- the paint was chipping off in a roundish pattern. I'd been brushing my teeth for _three bloody hours_ «...A while...» I answered.

Is there something wrong?» they worried.

No, not exactly.» I replied, deciding to let them have a turn. The look of the sink area surprised them as they came in : empty toothpaste tubes littered the counter, and a few very used brushes lay scattered around the wastebin.

Wow. » They exclaimed incredulously. «What _did_ you eat?»

By 9, this little incident had gotten half-way 'round the school, and I'd rapidly found a reason for it. James Potter had come over to talk to me, seeing as Sirius was in no mood for a conversation ; he'd had even less sleep than me, and everyone knew that was dangerous. I was explaining to him what had happened.

Ew. I think I would've done the same thing. » James said, disgusted by the fact that Malfoy had 'kissed' me. « Wha'do you tell everyone else?»

I've actually found something edible to humans that I like.»

Toothpaste?»

Yeah. It's minty, not hard to chew, not hard to swallow, I heard it was good for the whole body functonning part.

But you're alreay dead. »

Wat 'til you see me in the decomposing part of life. »

You decompose when you get old?»

Yeah, sorta like wrinkles, except… nastier. » His expression made me laugh. It seemed normal to me to rot when you get old, but James was so dumbfounded about it… « Of course, » I added, « you have to be _really _old. Around 500 years old, if I'm not mistaken. Vam- well, _we_ live around 700 years. »

So you're telling me that you decay slowly for about 200 years before you die? »

Yeah, but most of them, or us, decide to take a two hundred year long nap, hiding in a coffin. »

Thrilling. »

It's like hibernation. »

Don't vampires always sleep in coffins?»

Only the sadistic ones. It remins them about death.»

Wow. How do you know about that stuff if you don't even know how you became one? »

The one who did this to me sent me an entire book of this stuff. I guess it was some sort of 'guide to becoming a vampire'. I tried looking for a copy, but it seems to be unique.»

Dawn,» James said in a serious tone, glancing over at Sirius who had a glazed look in his eyes. He was staring straight ahead, barely blinking, like in a trance. «What did you say to him last night?»

We just fought. Again.»

That's it?»

Yeah.»

No.»

Well, he told me something about-» I paused to lower my voice and I leaned toward James. « He told me something about his past, about his family mistreating him.»

That's why his uncle left him his house.»

I never would've thought that he, of all people, would have such a hard childhood.»

He doesn't like to show it.»

I kind of figured.»

James glanced at the board. The notes had been flashing by too fast for him to keep up. I guess he wasn't mullti-tasked.

You got the last few lines written down?»

Yeah. Here. » I passed him the parchement I'd just filled. «Why?»

Too busy talking, maybe?»

Right. I think you're just lazy.»

Shush.»

The bell rang and the students, as was their routine, rushed out of class as fast as possible.

I hate transformations. » I said, picking up my bag to head outside to the greenhouses where we had out next class. «We've been copying down notes for what… seven days now?»

Six more weeks to go.»

Then we have our end of the year exams.»

I hear they're not bad.»

I hope you'll study.»

Me? Right.»

Where's Sirius?» I asked, looking around.

I thought you hated him. »

I still worry when he looks like that.»

Ah, there 'e is. » James pointed beside the greenhouses. A group of students were smoking.

You've got to be fucking kidding.» I exclaimed, agry. « Now this?»

I thought you didn't like to smoke, Sirius.» James said when we were within hearing range. Sirius shrugged.

Changed me mind, I guess.» He took another puff and smiled. «What're you doing here, Dawn?» I glared at him, silent. «So I hear you've found a new fetish. You like toothpaste?»

Much more than I like you.»

He grinned as a reply, threw his cigarette butt on the floor, and headed inside the greenhouse, followed by the awful stench of tobacco and his new friends.

What was wrong with him? It was like Sirius wasn't really Sirius anymore. He was so cold, so empty of emotion. And to top it off, he'd started smoking! I knew it was bad, yet I felt that there was nothing that could change him, there was nothing I could do. I hated seeing him unhappy, and I hated being powerless. I hated him now, like this, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. My mind was clouded by the thought of him, and I couldn't concentrate throughout the entire day… and night.


	12. in your eyes

Once again unable to sleep, I decided to head down to the common room for some food, or coffee, or anything I could find to occupy myself, and make me stop thinking about him. I heard some faint voices I recognized as being Sirius' and James', and I stopped just at the bottom of the staircase, out of sight. I wanted to know what they were talking about.

Tell me honestly, man. I hate it when you're like this.»

I just like to smoke, I figured it was time for a change, perhaps.»

Remember that time you came back from summer vacations our second year with a bandage around your head?»

James, please.»

Your eyes give it all away, Sirius. I can tell when you're in love, when you're happy, sad, hurt, and I can tell when you're trying to forget things and act as if nothing had ever happened. »

There was a loud sigh, and then a blunt noise as if someone had fallen on the couch, then Sirius replied.

Alright, fine. What are my eyes telling you?»

You know you've been an arse to her Sirius, and mostly to yourself. I think it's time you stop acting, and having pessimistic thoughts-»

Pessimistic thoughts?»

Don't kill yourself, buddy, it'll make everything worse for everyone.»

Hold on… how did you- you prat, you read my diary!»

Every bit of it. Don't leave it lying around for everyone to find. From what's written in there, people might get the wrong idea about you. It makes you sound like a homocidal maniac to write only about the shit in your life.»

And about revenge. God, I wish they could die. Mum, dad, my brother…»

Whatever. Just remember you're not with them.»

Right. If they died they'd probably come back to haunt me for the rest of my days, too.» There was a fake laugh.

That wouldn't be too much fun.»

So, Sirius. Tell me what's up.»

Well, you tell me. I thought my eyes gave it all away.»

I want to hear it from your mouth.» Another sigh.

...She's my beating heart. It's like I can't pass one minute of the day without seeing her face, feeling her skin, her hair, hearing her voice…» His voice faded to a whisper. « Do you feel the same about Evans?» Sirius continued.

Yeah. You think she feels the same about me?»

Yeah.»

Really.»

Really. She loves you, pal. She's just waiting 'til she and you are ready. She's waiting for the opportune moment.»

Thanks. It's not everyday you can really talk to someone.»

You know you can always talk to me.»

I sound like such a girl.»

...Why d'you think guys don't like talking openly?»

Dunno. Some spooky ego type of problem, no doubt.»

Yeah.» Sirius yawned. « Tired. Let's go sleep, shall we?»

Ladies first.»

As you say, » Sirius showed him the staircase.

So what're you going to do about Dawn?»

No idea. I'll see how it goes.» And the door shut softly.

'Mornin' everyone!»

'Mornin'.»

I'm guessing you slept rather well.»

Indeed.»

Anyone seen Dawn?»

She's off brushing her teeth.»

Again?» A startled James Potter stood in his pyjamas in the middle of the common room accompanied by Sirius Black, hair in mats on the side of his head.

Yeah, but I'm done now,» I answered, throwing the empty tube in one of the wastebins of the room. «I'm really starting to appreciate the taste of this stuff… Did you want to talk to me?»

I was wondering if you've finished your homework for Divination.»

Me? You're joking, right?»

Well, seeing as you're considered a perfect student, I-»

In case you haven't noticed, Potter, things have been a little…um…different lately.»

I avoided eye contact with Sirius. Since I'd overheard their conversation the previous night, I couldn't look at him or even think of him without my stomach becoming so tense I thought I might puke. Everytime, There'd be this intense sort of electric shock running through my body, and I had no idea whether I liked it or not.

True, true. So you _haven't_ finished your homework, then.»

Ask your friend Lupin.»

He's, how would you say, incapacitated, at the moment.»

The full moon had passed , and Remus found himself weak after each transformation.

You know your fanclub would be more than delighted to give you theirs andd get detention instead of you?»

You know it would look like something from a Barbie commercial?»

We laughed heartily, for the thought of the expression on the professor's face receiving a pink, scented parchment was only too predictable. For a moment, it seemed we'd been friends forever, yet there was still a certain tension present, an unexplainable barrier.

The classes had ended for the day after an interminable amount of time spent sitting indoors and writing notes. I was writing the last few paragraphs to my Divination homework (the professor had told me to finish it by tomorrow), when I felt a light but noticeable tap on my shoulder.

Oy, Dawn,» James whispered, « You up for a drinking game?»

As long as I end up in my own bed, sure.» I left my stuff on the table and followed him out of the portrait. «Where're we going?»

Secret passage. There's one that leads to the Hog's Head.»

We're going to Hogsmeade?»

Only halfway.» I raised an eyebrow.

Only half-?»

They keep their reserves in the passage, not _actually_ at Hog's Head.»

Ooh.»

James took a left turn at a corner I'd never explored, and pushed on a random brick. A narrow passage opened up, and we passed through. After about ten minutes of pushing spider webs out of our way, we arrived at another door. We pushed it open and were greeted by Sirius and Peter, comfortably sitting in a barrel morphed as a couch.

Make yourself at home!» They said with swaying arms.

You're already drunk?»

Sorry we couldn't wait, mate,» Sirius laughed, « the bottles were too tempting.»

I rolled my eyes. Guys. I grabbed a bottle, chucked the cap on the floor, and took a long sip. The burning liquid spread its warmth through my body and burnt my tongue. I felt my face go red in an instant.

What _is_ this shit?» I stared at the bottle and found I could no longer focus.

_That's _Jamaican rum.»

Let me guess. 90 alcohol.»

84. Close enough.»

Same thing.»

One bottle of that, » Pettigrew pointed out, «And you're out cold for the night.»

Great. Just what thew doctor ordered.» I took another sip. Now all I could see were splotches of color, and holding on to the bottle was beginning to be a hard task.

Anyone up for a special combo?»

Special combo?» I slurred.

Yeah. Jamaican rum, and Jamaican crack.»

James practically choked.

Fuck! Where'd you get it?»

Quentin in seventh year. The one who's parents give 'im drugs for 'is birthday.»

You're going to get drunk _and_ stoned?» I said.

You're chicken?»

That's lethal, mate.» James retorted.

Ooh, so you're chicken too?» Sirius spat, letting anger get the best of him. «I thought you'd stick by me nomatter what?»

This was supposed to be fun, not _dangerous_!»

It _would've_ been fun, had you not all chickened out!»

I-I'm leaving.» Peter whimpered.

Me too.» James agreed.

Fine. Go.»

I got up as well.

Sirius,» I begged, « don't do this to yourself.»

Whatever.»

He grabbed a few full bottles and followed behind, muttering to himself. «It's no fun drinking anyway.» He sulked.

We discreetly made our way out of the passage and headed back to the Gryffindor tower.

Well, well. Look at that. _Rats_ sneaking out at night. And I see you've also found the cheese… Jamaican rum…tisk tisk.»

Lucius Malfoy. The rabid cat out to chase us, I suppose.» James replied, searching in vain for his wand inside his robes- he'd left it on his bed.

Fuck. I don't have my wand.» Sirius cursed.

What? Why the fuck not?»

I notice you don't either, so shut up!»

You!»

You!»

Oh, stop bickering!» Silence invaded the corridors long enough to hear the last echoes of our dispute.

Malfoy got straight to the point. He glared at me.

You've missed more than one meeting, princess. Normally, I wouldn't bother about this, but it seems you're not exactly on our side, so we're getting a tad suspicious,» Malfoy said and James snorted.

Why would we be on _your_ side?»

Especially if we have our own,» Sirius agreed.

It's none of your business, Potter, Black,» he turned back to me, « They weren't supposed to know. Now I'm convinced you don't actually like being _evil_.» His eyes widened and he took out a silvery object.

Can't use a wand properly, Malfoy?»

What kind of a muggle artifact is _that_?» James raised an eyebrow, although not daring to step forward. Somehow the object seemed dangerous.

It's a knife, » I answered, backing away a bit.

Malfoy approached, twisting the blade between his fingers, a malicious grin on his face. He was headed toward me.

I hear vampires can't die. I thought I had to see it to believe it.»

You wouldn't dare...» I could feel my heart throbbing in my chest.

Oh, I would, and you know it. If you can't die, what're you afraid of?» His grin widened as he pressed the sharp object against my stomach.

The pain was hardly bearable and the fact that he was slowly driving the knife into my body made it worse. My vision clouded and my knees felt as if they'd refuse to hold my weight any moment. I bit my lips, shaking from limb to limb. Every breath was like being crushed by an entire building over and over and I could start to feel my blood dripping to the floor. I could smell it, and it was dizzying.


	13. peeled

And suddenly, as if I'd been waiting forever to unleash it, my demon took over. No, it wouldn't just let me spill out my blood, and do nothing. Within an instant, Malfoy was on the ground, and the knife scraped his shaved neck. I laughed.

Thought you had me... tisk, tisk,» I shook my head while the others stared in shock, "You seem to undersestimate me a lot," I said.

Malfoy spat out a nervous laugh, attempting to shuffle under all my weight. I grinned and dug the sharp object deeper into his skin. "I could do it, you know. In fact, I'd be absolutely thrilled." I was beginning to tremble, excited by the idea of fresh blood in my body. I closed my eyes and inhaled. Blood was all I could smell.

Dawn," James said, unsure of what to call me, "don't."

Why not?" I laughed, looking deep into the grey eyes of the slytherin I held by a string. I took a moment to consider the option of letting him go. "No doubt his blood tastes awful. With a personality like that one..." I shook my head and pushed myself back off the ground, purposely dropping the knife an inch from his face. Lucius squeeled in horror, caught himself halfway, and bit his lips. He'd shown he was afraid, and that was satifying enough for me.

Are we going to bed?" I asked the Marauders. Their eyes went from Lucius, still on the floor, to me, to the corridor.

Sure," they answered in unison.

Into the common room, the atmosphere was quiet; nearly everyone had gone to bed, and the ones remaining struggled to finish their homework or the page they were reading, eyes hardly open. Lily Evans lifted her head up, sighed, and slumped back to her novel. Sirius had forgotten to hide the bottles of rum he'd brought.

In our dorm," he whispered, dragging me along with the bottles in his other hand.

You know, Black," I said once he'd closed the door to the Marauders' quarters, "people are going to start believeing rumours they shouldn't be believing in," I looked around, "Don't get me wrong, this place is... home-y... but, it's not exactly where I should be, if you know what I mean."

What happened back there? With you going all insane and, well, scary?" Peter asked, taking a seat on his bed. Remus and James sat on either side of him, and Sirius, still suspicious, I guess, stood up.

None of your business. I have to get to the Hospital Wing."

Again?" By the tone of his voice, I figured he was annoyed, and definitely not impressed.

Listen," I sighed, "I can't always tell you everything about me. It just- it wouldn't work." I avoided looking directly at him.

I made for the door and stumbled, remembering suddenly the pain in my stomach.

Dawn, I think you've been stabbed."

No shit." Thanks for stating the obvious. Sirius automatically reached down to pull me back up, but I pushed him away. "Stay where you are, Black. You're filthy enough as it is." I smiled at my own joke, and clenched my teeth as another wave of pain and nausea surged through my body. "Fuck, it hurts."

My vision was beginning to cloud again, and I struggled twice as hard to stay awake. I needed blood, and I needed it now.

Dammit," I heard behind me, Sirius was screaming, "Go get someone, _anyone_! I'll stay with her," he suggested. All three boys were out the door and Sirius tried to get me to a bed. I think it was his bed.

Sirius," I breathed heavily, "I need blood...now."

What?" He seemed at a loss for words for a moment while I concentrated on my pain, then finally said, "Take mine."

It took a few seconds for me to filter his response.

What? I- I can't do that!" I tried to get up, and failed miserably, "...you're insane!"

Yeah, whatever. Just go. It can't be that bad."

Sirius-"

Hurry, dammit."

I closed my eyes and took a bite.

Oh, God..." I'd never felt this good in my entire life. The warm liquid seeped into my mouth, revived me from the inside out. I could feel my fangs dug into his flesh, and I loved it. So much, that I wished I'd never come to my senses and stop. _Death and destruction, wherever you go_. Those words resounded in my head, as I'd first heard them in my dream. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be an instrument of doom. Life was more important than anything. And I couldn't take it away from anyone, especially not Sirius.

So... sorry..." I managed to say as I was catching my breath.

S'alright, s'alright..." Sirius replied, grasping his neck, "That hurts."

Well, obviously. After tearing through your muscle and your veins, anyone'd think you'd be in pain." I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and thanked Sirius again. "I should go tell your buddies I'm okay now, and you should see Pomfrey. You'll be OK?"

Yeah, yeah, I'll be just fine." he answered as I opened the door and prepared to walk out. I heard a loud thump and knew he'd fallen unconscious. After losing that much blood, who wouldn't?

I still felt considerably bad, though.

Sirius awoke the next week, when I'd just begun my run for the afternoon. The other Marauders and I had switched every few hours, always keeping an eye on Sirius. Pomfrey was furious. She said I'd 'behaved horrendously immaturely' and that I 'didn't know the consequences of my actions'. She refused to give me my potion, seeing as I'd absorbed about a month's worth for sucking Sirius's blood, and stormed off after having neglectedly adjusted the bandage around my waist. The wound had mostly healed and stopped bleading, but there was still a chance of it opening up again. She hadn't bothered to keep me in bed and let me go to my classes without fussing over the fact that I should be more careful about myself. I think she'd lost all manner of respect for me. Pity.

Feeling any better, Sirius?" I whispered, smiling softly. Sirius yawned and returned the smile.

Amazingly relaxed." Stretching in the bed, he asked, "How long have I been out?"

'Bout a week. Pomfrey's been feeding you through some odd sort of food teleportation device."

Nice..." A hint of sarcasm in his voice made me laugh.

You know," I noted, "we always get mad at each other, then we get happy again, and it starts all over."

hmm."

I wonder why." Each of us reflected upon the meaning we gave this statement. The hot summer air filled the room and the familiar setting sun glowed through the tainted windows of the Hospital Wing.

You realise we'll be leaving soon?"

yeah..." Once again, a calm silence filled the area. The smell of disinfectant had been scarce since Pomfrey had last 'fixed' someone up. No accidents, no ridiculous pranks. Peace for the nurse. That's what she needed. A vacation.

You're still OK for this summer, aye? With the living at my place sort of thing?" Sirius asked, turning to face me, sitting on the bed to his right.

yeah."

You know you look absolutely exhausted?"

really?" my laugh faded and it became a soft echo, "I hadn't noticed," I said sarcastically.

You can come sleep here, if you want." Sirius patted the empty space in his bed.

_Hell_ no- um... no thanks."

Just trying to be nice," he shrugged and turned to lie on his back, " 'night," he called.

Sirius?" Silence. "No, not again, please," I sat down on his bed, took my knees in my hands, and sighed, "Sirius..."

mm?" I could tell he was smiling.

I-um." I like you. " I'm really happy when- um. I like it when you're happy... yeah... that's it..." A soft chuckle shook the bed a bit.

Why?"

I don't know," I said, "It just- makes me happy... I guess."


End file.
